Saudade s aPortuguese and Galician word that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or deeply melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return.

Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling

And when I was torturing myself over the loss of someone who never really wanted me, the idea that I could have changed his mind is what really killed me. Even if I had changed every part of who I was, he still would have been happier with the girl with the shiny brown hair, and it’s not that he didn’t deserve me, because the idea of deserving someone is silly in the first place. The only thing we deserve, I think, is a chance to be with someone who really makes us happy

from: “What men want in a woman" on Thought Catologue 

Selfishness demands: "What’s in it for me?" while Love asks: “What can I give?”

Why do we create drama in our lives? Why do we feast on gossip and gorge ourselves on creating and exaggerating stories that don’t necessarily exist? Why do we spin tales and attempt to uncover underlying meaning as if the people we are in relationship with are speaking in tongue?

It’s because we’re afraid. We’re afraid that if you were to take away the drama, take away the highs and lows, we would be left with nothing. A whole lot of blank, empty, boring, vast, nothingness. Blah-ness, so to speak.

And we couldn’t be more wrong. Life is beautiful.

Instead of living in our heads and our hearts, live in the world that exists. Feel everything there is to feel.

"I realized that I was holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore. That the person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change."
Sarah Ockler (via shessthunderstorms)

what is love? exactly this.


what is love? exactly this.

Being Real

I struggle with being real. 

Now this might sound absurd as there is no doubt that I am completely and utterly real. As flesh and bone as the person beside me and with real emotions and actions that have a real effect on other real people in this world. 

Now that we’ve cleared that up- why is it that I say I struggle? Because as much as I am okay with accepting the realities of others- their amazing accomplishments, their beautiful flaws, and everything in between; I struggle with my own reality. 

I seem to have cultivated this mentality where if I don’t acknowledge it- it doesn’t exist. And so, I refuse to give any negative thoughts or emotions the time of day and continue to keep that 10% of me that is murky and dark unknown to others.

However, as I’ve been going through yoga teacher training, I’ve come to realize that maintaining this image of having it all put together is exhausting. Moreover, it prevents me from making connections with other, equally real, people. 

In a world where the typical response to “how’s it going?” is “good. and you?”, how often are we speaking the truth? We tell ourselves that the person posing the question doesn’t actually want to hear about how I am so we mask it with a quick and blunt “good”. In reality, yes, perhaps they couldn’t care less to begin with, but think how you would react if someone answered your “How are you?” with a “Actually, I’m having a terrible day.” You would probably have at least a speck of respect, some ounce of compassion, or even an open ear, n’est pas? I’d like to think that only the sick and soulless would even fathom a thought like “Whoa, who asked her for her life story?”

Also, how well can we connect when all of our conversations are superficial. “You’re good? Good! Me too. I’m good too.” How much of ourselves can we really invest in to a conversation about nail colours when inside, all that we can think about is our fight with our partner or the terrible news we just heard about our family member? The more we face our struggles and the more open we are about it- the more they are rendered powerless.

As we go through life, we collect negative experiences and for some strange reason we harbour them. We pack them away into our trusty backpack, keeping them away from others and by our side like treasures. In reality, when you have the courage to drop the heavy pack from your shoulders, you’ll have the freedom to move and groove with others who have also decided that this pack simply isn’t worth carrying. You can feel your shoulders shake as deep rolling laughter overwhelms your body and you can raise your arms in victory. 

Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Too much of the world already tells us we can’t. We need the people around us to tell us we can. 

"In the end, only three things matter:
how much you loved, how gently you lived,
and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying  (via thewastedgeneration)